invisible

Well, I officially started with my new district on Monday of this last week, and all week was full of orientations, meetings, and in-services. A pretty normal start for any first week back.

School starts for kids on September 8th, and as of yet, my 2 buildings are STILL off-limits, as they were under construction all summer with remodeling, building additions, and installation of CENTRAL AIR! I was able to go in to my brand new library a couple of weeks ago to tell the movers where I wanted the shelving and checkout desk to go. It's beautiful! Needless to say, that library is all discombobbled, and the entire collection of books is still stored off-site somewhere in hundreds of boxes. *ugh

According to the administration, "moving day" is scheduled for some day this week, when we all should be given clearance to get into our buildings and be able to begin preparing our classrooms for kids! I pray that that's the case!!

My other library is older and didn't have to be all boxed up, but it is being used as a district storehouse to store every classroom teacher's collection of boxes containing their classroom stuff. On Wednesday of this week, I get to go "in" and begin the daunting task of trying to check in supplies and check out teacher's stuff. It shall prove to be an interesting couple of weeks as I bounce back & forth every other day from one library to the next. I am completely and utterly out of my element.

This first week back, having no place to go, and 2 building administrators to try to pin down, has been most challenging on my "normally organized classroom teacher mentality". I'm finding out that I don't yet "fit" with either of my buildings of teachers, simply because we haven't all been able to be in the same place at the same time and when we are together, they're all busy trying to collaborate with their teaching partners and grade level teams. Also, I understand how we're all equally as anxious to get this show on the road.

I've quickly discovered that the information flow from administrators to staff doesn't always trickle down completely to the "specials" teachers. I'm feeling like a fish out of water... gasping for air and yearning for a cool refreshing pond (aka: a LIBRARY!) to dive in and get to do work doing what I love best... which is TEACHING KIDS! It's strange, already, to not be looked at by some, or considered as a teacher. One of my new principals spoke without thinking when she said, "You don't need to attend the staff meeting. You're not considered staff... you're just a librarian." *ugh! I'm like a puzzle piece, without a box~ like a steaming hot piece of corn-on-the-cob without butter... like cat without nip.

Even moreso, I feel like a foster child, who has not been place yet-- longing to be a part of a family. I'm "in the system" but not yet a part of anything remotely related to the "family" that I'm used to being a part of.

I'm completely out of my element, as far as not having my classroom assembled and ready to go, yet I'm peaceful about all that. Honestly, I'm certain that those bulletin boards are a minor detail compared to the bright smiling faces of kids! I really, really need to meet my new KIDS!

Having been at the forefront of many of the leadership teams at my previous school, and now, having nobody even to connect with... it's the strangest feeling in the world. I feel invisible. Perhaps that's why I'm anxious to get started on our next class together, just so I feel connected to something in the midst of all this district chaos.

At this point, it's best that I remain transparent about the realities of my first week on the job. I truly believe that once those kids arrive, all of these grey clouds of change will disappear and I'll be back in my happy place as a teacher.
Until then... I'll watch, and wait, for those rays of inspiration to return. I will do whatever it takes to earn the respect of my peers as a Teacher, and not "just a Librarian."